Archive for September, 2005

There Are Certain Circumstances Under Which Berocca Will Not Give You Back Your B-B-Bounce

Wednesday, September 28th, 2005

Like when instead of dropping your friendly effervescent tab into the glass of water you’ve just poured, you accidentally drop it into your housemate’s half-full wine glass from the night before.

I think it’s fairly safe to say I’m not a morning person.

Notorious Pervert

Friday, September 16th, 2005

I didn’t end up being in Bnews. I ended up, instead, in the Melbourne Star, Bnews‘s sibling publication. On the front page. Actually not looking too shabby; my boss said I looked like a “mischievous elf, in a smutty way” (I think that was a compliment), and my friend Chris is calling me the “lesbian newspaper covergirl”. Which is almost as good as being the lesbian newspaper page 3 girl.

Today I found out that I’ve won an erotic fiction competition, which is exciting. I won’t say which one because it hasn’t been formally announced yet, but I’m very pleased. Today has been a real red-letter day. Actually, since the story in question features a lot of spanking, maybe that should be a red-bottom day.

Also, today something happened that has the potentially to be really, really amazing, but I can’t talk about that because nothing has been confirmed yet, and won’t be for a while even if it goes ahead. Plus I’m the kind of person who not only declines to count chickens before they’re hatched, but also waits until they’re fully grown, dead and on my dinner plate.

And if you think it’s annoying when bloggers do the blogging equivalent of jumping up and down shrieking “I have a secret!”, try keeping the secret.

Are You Stalksome Tonight?

Wednesday, September 14th, 2005

If you’re feeling all stalky-like, a new issue of Bnews comes out tomorrow, complete with an interview with me where I talk about judging the Bliss erotica competition and the state of erotic fiction in Australia today. What seemed delightfully witty and incisive when I was chatting to the lovely interviewer will no doubt make me look like a complete fucking wanker in print.

Also there’ll be a photograph but I’d like you to pretend you didn’t see it. I am not so photogenic. I don’t know what it is; I’m relatively normal-looking in real life, but in photos I always turn out looking more than a little, well, special. Sometimes, in particularly great photos, I look special AND like I’m miming a sex act. Even when I’m not.

It’s Almost Like I’ve Been to Finishing School

Thursday, September 1st, 2005

I have completely managed to avoid calling anyone “cunt eyes” today. Out loud, anyway.

Which considering that today has consisted of dealing with some choice examples of humanity, bashing out a media release after realising what I wrote last week was utter pigshite, and working on the chapter of my thesis that’s due in final draft form TOMORROW, is quite amazing really. Especially since in some cases, it was so richly deserved.

Motherfuckers can order their own freakin’ books from slackarsed distributors if they’re that damn sure they can do it better than my company. You try dealing with a distributor who “forgets” to send you your urgent shipment of books. For a month.

You’d think people would have learned not to fuck with me by now, given my Mafia connections. Even if by “Mafia”, I mean “my Uncle Wayne with a crowbar”.