Does This Shade of Ennui Clash With the Darkness of My Soul?

Now I have post fright.

My sister Anna, who lives in London, was home with the flu when the bombs went off. I have never been so pleased to hear that someone chucked a sickie in my life as I was last Thursday night. I just wish she’d come home. I’ve been wishing that for a long time. Sometimes it’s hard hearing “I’ll come home soon, I promise” when you know that’s not true and when the person in question is deeply depressed and isolated and on the opposite side of the world.

I wanted to post more about the London bombings, but I honestly don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to say that hasn’t been said before, and eloquently, or even what it is that I want to say.

Reasons I haven’t been around:

1) Internet connection died.
2) Sort of fixed Internet connection.
3) Computer died. Cue Aimee sitting with head in hands, thinking of all her un-backed-up work.
4) Computer fixed. Back everything up. Still not sure what went wrong with computer and slightly nervous about it all.
5) Internet connection dies again. Hangs out in cave with Jesus and Elvis despite repeated attempts at reviving. Tech support man nice but useless. Internet connection remains dead.
6) Posting at work, fully aware that I’ve probably lost the five posts I’ve been working on mentally for good. Glargh. Also, suffering some sort of late-onset teenage ennui. Don’t want to post anything. Don’t want to write anything I need to write. Don’t seem to be able to write for own pleasure. Don’t want to work on thesis. Don’t want to do anything except find a nice corner to curl up in and not exist for a while. Not doing so good.

If this keeps up, I’ll be forced to dye my hair black again and dig out the Marilyn Manson t-shirts.

6 Responses to “Does This Shade of Ennui Clash With the Darkness of My Soul?”

  1. chris Says:

    Sorry to hear you’re down. But I’m glad you have Marilyn Manson t-shirts you can don to express your black funk and kinda scream at the world without having to make the effort of opening your mouth. If they don’t work, I have an old ABBA t-shirt somewhere you can borrow – always does it for me. xx

  2. Aimee Says:

    Ah, thanks lovely. Feeling a trifle better today but the rate at which I’m ebbing and flowing is verging on ridiculous.

    Actually, I think I may have thrown out the last of the Manson t-shirts (I had three or four at one stage). I may just have to resort to the black hair dye. Perhaps your daughter and I could dye our hair black together? I think the opportunity would lose some of its coolness quotient for her if she was doing it with her mum’s daggy friend.

  3. Liah Says:

    My hair is currently Try-Hard Purple. I can don my Nick Cave t-shirt, and we can be overgrown angst-ridden teenagers together!

  4. Aimee Says:

    Done and done! (And I mean done.)

  5. Tess Says:

    Ah, yes. Hardware failures.

    I had my harddrive commit suicide last year. I -thought- I had backups.

    Apparently I’d thrown them out.

    Now, I have backups -everywhere-.

  6. Justine Says:

    Oh god, Aimee, do I EVER sympathize. I just sprang for an optic-fiber connection (called FIOS by Verizon — apparently in blissful ignorance that, in several Latinate languages, fios means “wires”). Turns out that all their software clashes with mine, especially the brand-new Norton “internet security” package (which is at its happiest when inspecting your every move verrrrrrrrrrry slooooooooowly to assure there are no gremlins slipping through). Anyhow, it has thus far taken FOUR lengthy sessions with the phone-in Verizon techhies (who, let it be said, are unbelievably patient) to get…just about the same lousy performance I had with my old dial-up. (And I’ll never get those 12-13 telephoning HOURS back…)

    Hugs, Justine