My Muggy Valentine

For someone who doesn’t give a flying fuck about it, I actually had a really nice Valentine’s Day. For the first time in at least two months, it was a Saturday I didn’t have to work (although they did try to ring me to go in 15 minutes before the shift would have started, but I accidentally didn’t answer my mobile, and then accidentally took my landline phone off the hook). I slept in after having had a late night rejoicing in the company of my dear friend Leah, and rose slowly and leisurely, relaxing over breakfast and mentally planning the day from when Stuart would arrive. I read the newspaper and was pleased to note that my other boyfriend, Shaun Micallef, made it into the Age’s list of the 25 sexiest people in Melbourne, which was the only part of the list I agreed with; if that bloody silly-coned bimbo from that home improvement show is sexy then I’m the next Australian Idol. Incidentally, Shaun, if you’re reading this, please don’t think I’m stalking you. I drown the housepets of everybody I like, and bunches of dead roses left on your doorstep are just my way of saying “I care”.

After breakfast I set about making Stu’s Valentine present: a kickass mix CD of luurrrve songs. I can assure you there was no sign of ‘Unchained Melody’ or anything by Celine Dion, ’cause I just ain’t that kind of girl. In fact, it has to be said that I’m probably the only girl who’d put Nancy Vandal’s ‘Piss On My Weetbix’ on a love song mix. I’d been planning the mix for ages, however the execution proved a little difficult as something appears to have buggered up my CD writing software, and none of the songs wanted to go on the CD at first. Much swearing and finding of new ways to do things later, I had the CD I wanted, minus a few songs I’d decided to chop at the last minute, mostly for thematic reasons. I was going for the emotion of love, rather than lust which it must be said I’m somewhat more familiar with. So Pansy Division’s ‘Ring of Joy’ got the flick, but Ping Pong Bitches’ ‘I Love You Necrophiliac’ stayed. I thought it was rather sweet of me to avoid the temptation to put the Red Aunts’ very violent ‘Detroit Valentine’ on the mix. Because in all honesty, I don’t actually want to hit Stuart with a hammer until he’s dead. I’m such a great girlfriend.

Once Stu arrived we hung out for a while in my room, then outside in the park where it was very, very hot (stupid forty degree days) and ate grapes and read and talked about nothing and everything, as we are wont to do. Then we went inside again, and napped. We went out for dinner at Zello in Malvern, which was lovely and also air conditioned, which was kind of important at that point. Sometime after dinner we drove to Elwood beach where I paddled and Stu refused to take his shoes off, and small children darted around everywhere. We went for a walk along the path by the beach and noted that every other soppy bastard couple in Melbourne seemed to have the same idea.

We returned home, all sappy and cheerful as well as a tad tired from the heat, but ready to check off the last item from our to-do list, which unfortunately never happened because I got a spontaneous case of cystitis, BECAUSE MY VAGINA HATES ME and doesn’t want me to have any fun, ever.

I stayed up late watching old episodes of Daria and Aarrgh! It’s the Mr Hell Show! which Deirdre found on an old video of hers, while Stu went to sleep and hogged the bed. All in all, it was a good day.

Maybe one of these years, Valentine’s Day will become something I actually give a shit about. Then again, probably not.

3 Responses to “My Muggy Valentine”

  1. momo Says:

    Hey, Shaun’s MY other boyfriend. Oh. I suppose we can share …


  2. Aimee Says:

    I’m willing if you are! 🙂

  3. MO Says:

    Hey, He’s MINE aswell 🙂

    Shaun Shaun Shaun Shaun Shaun!