Oh, Just Give Up!

Saturday was Stuart’s birthday. Aside from the fact that I spent most of the day either at work or asleep, I did my best to make it a nice day for him (because it’s always really, really great when someone you’re sexually attracted to climbs on top of you and promptly falls asleep. Poor Stu).

One component of his present was a voucher for the massage clinic I go to in Richmond. I was telling a co-worker about it on Saturday morning and he was getting a bit confused as to precisely what I meant by “massage”, since apparently there’s a parlour in close proximity to the clinic. Probably best not to think about why he knows that. Eventually, we managed to acertain that I did, in fact, mean a genuine place of health improvement (although the health benefits of the other could probably be argued, too). I wondered how my co-worker would even think I would make a purchase like that for my boyfriend, and just barely managed to bite back a comment about how I don’t believe in outsourcing something you can do yourself. We were in a small public library filled with grandmothers and little children, after all.

I also decided to write him a birthday card. This may not sound like much to you, but I have Issues with writing birthday cards, even for people I really care about (actually, especially for people I really care about). I just can’t do it. I can’t even come out with very good trite bullshit, just the normal kind of trite bullshit that any old moron with a grade three education and a solid knowledge of the Top 40 could churn out. So I decided instead to write out a deeply emotional, loving card that truly expressed my feelings towards Stuart and our relationship. It ended up containing the sentence “I will knife you in your sleep”.

I think I should just give up and accept that I am no good at this romance caper.

2 Responses to “Oh, Just Give Up!”

  1. Sam Says:

    That reminds me of my favourite greeting card sentiment: “Being with you is mildly more preferably than being stuck in the middle of a filipino drag queen knife-fight.”

    Did you go cyan yet?

  2. Melissa Says:

    I ended up calling everyone a whore in their cards, because that’s how I express my love. Once Nicole sent me a loving postcard that told me I have to wait until I fuck Harry Potter.